God is our comforter in difficult times. I remember a time when I went through the most difficult season of my life. I could not sleep for days, I could not eat, I could not stop thinking and I was dying inside. At times I felt like a moving corpse. It took everything in me to accomplish a simple task like driving my son to school. At times , I would go the opposite direction. At times I would actually wonder how I even got there; I would have no memory of my trip there and I would wonder if I was stopping at traffic lights and observing road signs.
My life was on auto-pilot and every moment I breathed was a constant reminder that at times, life is hard and painful. From the outside, no one could really see the depth of the pain I was going through, but inside, I was at the verge of death. The pain I went through was beyond any pain I could have ever imagined in this world .This was by far the most terrible experience in my life.
One of my greatest struggles during that time, was feeling God’s presence in it all. I would pray and read the bible but it wasn’t helping much. I knew He loved me and I knew pretty well that when I hurt, He hurts more than I do. I knew He never wants to see me in pain but it just never made sense why the pain was not going away. I finally got to a breaking point and I knew I just could not take it anymore.
On that Wednesday night, I decided to go to the house of the LORD to surrender it all. I remember crying myself out that night. I cried like I have never cried before, I prayed to a point where people’s opinions didn’t matter anymore.
I needed His help and I knew I had to lay it down at the cross. When I finally surrendered my right to understand what was going on in my life, the pain I was going through and the hate I had for those who had betrayed me, the regret I had for forgiving in the past and graciously giving second and third chances – Jesus finally came through for me.
I came back home a different person. It was actually a miracle in itself.
A heavy burden was lifted off me and I felt so light. I had this peace that I just could not even understand. At that point in my life ,I was reminded of Philippians 4:6-7, and for the very first time, I got a totally different understanding of the scripture -“peace that guards my heart , peace that guards my mind and peace that surpasses all understanding.” I knew about the scripture, but for the very first time I experienced that peace in its completeness.
Before God touched me that evening, my mind was on a marathon, I just could not stop thinking. It’s like a program was running in my mind, connecting all the incidents that had hurt me in the past and all the incidents I had been good to my loved ones. The more I realized how much I didn’t deserve this betrayal, the more my heart would tear into pieces. I would feel like there was a hole that was being continuously dug in that fragile heart of mine. Then, all of a sudden, the LORD touched me and put an end to that war that was going on in my mind, took away all the pain in my heart and healed that wound that had grown so deep in my heart .All of a sudden I had unspeakable joy and I could not even understand it. For the first time in weeks, I had peace.
Even up to today, I stand in awe. I can never thank the LORD enough for allowing me to experience this miracle. That night, I came home and slept like a baby. Since that encounter, I never went back to that level of pain again.
My prayer and hope is that we all learn from this experience and allow ourselves to be vulnerable before our comforter. Let us go before Him and surrender everything that we are holding onto, whether it’s pain, anger,unforgiveness, our right to understand what is going on our lives, bitterness or whatever it is we are still holding onto in our lives and allow ourselves to receive the joy and comfort that comes from God Almighty.
Remember, it’s always a trade! You trade the pain, unforgiveness, bitterness, jealous e.t.c for the peace and joy that comes from Him. Unless we trade, we will not experience His closeness. Unless we totally surrender, He will always feel distant from us. God the comforter, who is rich in mercy will fill us with peace, peace that will guard our minds and our hearts, peace that is beyond our understanding. (Mth 11:28, 2 Cor 1:3, Phil 4:7)
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
May the peace of God be with you always.